for him. for her. for us.

the first two questions we get about collin are.....

1. "what is collin's background?" (usually that's how people word it too. you can see in their faces that they are searching for the politically correct word to ask if collin is black).

2. "will collin know about his birthparents?"

of course! he will know his birthmom. he will know what she looks like. he will know what she sounds like. he will experience first hand of the love his birthmom has for him. because he will see her. and see her often. he will know from from the very beginning of her love for him. a love so strong that she was able to break her own heart and do something so unnatural - to place him in another's arms...our arms.

when we took adoption classes and learned about openness for the first time, i remember thinking that it felt right, but wasn't t sure what it looked like or how to do it, or how it would make me feel. i knew that it seemed right and that i wanted it for my children, but uncertain about how it all works out. as we continued through adoption i began to understand it better, but still didn't know how it would feel.

it all made sense when i held collin for the very first time in the hospital. the spirit was strong. it was an overwhelming feeling that just made sense....openness made sense in that very moment. a long with wanting collin to be healthy, strong in the gospel, educated, and all the other things parents wish for their children, i also wanted openness in that very moment. i wanted it for him. i wanted it for her. i wanted it for me. i remember thinking as i held him in the hospital, "of course, of course. openness....of course. how can it be any other way."

we want collin to be proud and confident of his story. openness takes away the mystery. the secrecy. he will always know of his amazing story. he will have a relationship with his birthmom. he will be proud of her decision. our relationship with her is a unique and special relationship that just makes sense.

collin's birthmom expresses often of the love she has for us and how grateful she is that collin was able to find his parents, and the family he was meant to be in. we feel so grateful that we live close to her. she will get to be a part of his life forever. we have seen her a couple of times and they have been some of the most amazing experiences of my life. the spirit was so strong in these visits.

she is an incredibly courageous woman. the most selfless woman we know. she trusted us and she trusted in the Lord. her trust, her faith, her courage, her love is powerful. It overwhelms us. we love her. she gave me the gift of motherhood. i know that she did this for collin, but because of her - i am a mother. a mother to the most amazing, beautiful, perfect little boy that I love more than anything in the world. i had no idea i could love someone as much as i do for collin. i understand a little better the love the Lord must have for us.

i wanted to share with you, with permission from collin's birthmom, some pictures of our visits. enjoy.

doesn't she look beautiful for just giving birth. it was amazing to go to the hospital after collin was born and spend time with just the four of us.

we were able to visit her when collin was 3 weeks old.

last week we had picnic. i love this picture of the three of us.